content warnings
death, suicidal ideation
[1271 words]
this is a transcript of a video game
which is an adaptation from a movie
which is a download from a divine source
which is a bit of undigested blue
here we’re in blue
click on the yellow circle
and listen to the sound of the woman screaming
she is far away
in another mansion
rather like this one
she likes you
I’m sorry to have to bring you here, after all this time
I wasn’t able to hire a proper translator
google has been making me say things
that I don’t mean to say
when this happens
you will click on the red circle
go ahead and do it now
inside of the red circle is death
it hovers around you, anxious and sweaty
inside his head is a river
flowing down into Tartarus
you don’t want to go down there
but you should know that a map of it exists
click M to open the map
below your mansion are the kundalini tunnels
sculpted at the beginning of the 20th century
though they are actually much older
now people call them sewers
they lead down into the head of death
which contains the map of Tartarus
which contains you, the player
you are brave and your mother is not at home
click on the red circle and enter into death
listen to the sound of death
who is wind in autumn over yellow sticky grass
static fills the sky
and he touches your chest
to let you down into the chamber of the elevator
to take you into the tunnels
now you are waiting for your operation
and the hallways echo with the sound of the surgeons and their equipment
they are not in a hurry
you have time to look around
click on objects around the room
one of them is the Totalization Menhir
Totalization Menhir means “City Big-Long”
or Big Long City
welcome to Big Long City
you’re the king of everything you can see
death is your apprentice in a ritual you can barely understand
down below your feet your apocalyptic worshippers are beginning their mass
the sound is like rain over your naked feet
a woman is whispering in your ear
about how much she wants you to beat her
outside is a child
the window is bleeding blue
click on the window
“how did you come to be in Big Long City” the boy asks
you can say “I don’t know”
or
“I don’t remember”
or
“what’s your name”
he says his name is an ocean but he’s trying to become a boy again
will you help him?
if you say no,
the game is over
if you say no,
you descend into Tartarus
and I thank you for playing
and your save game is deleted
if you say yes,
you can ascend to the upper decks of the ship of death
the boy takes your hand
and you leave behind the woman whispering in your ear
and you take the elevator
which is white light
into the blue circle
which is the gate at the edge of death
looking out over the earth
“everyone who comes here wants something” the boy says. “what do you want?”
you can say
“I want to go”
or
“I don’t know”
or
“I want to help you”
or
“I want to leave now”
no matter what you say the boy’s answer is this:
“if you want to leave, you have to answer three questions. are you ready?
“all right. the first question is—”
there is a blow at the back of your head like a door opening
the whistling wind
a woman is running her hand over your back
insects are running over the sand
the boy is watching your face
“try to remember that,” he says. “the second question is—”
your mother’s hand trembles in front of the light
super-16 foam glow
the book tumbles closed in your lap
where the boy is asleep
“I thought you might come” he says
black tree hands shake slowly for the cat outside
white night light fills the field in a rush
“the third question is one you must write yourself” he says
“one day I will be an old man like you,” he says
“broken by the world”
“eased into a slot in the wall”
“like a birthday cake”
“light a fire on top of my head” he says
if you press X you can light a candle on top of the boy’s head
that burns away the blue
burns away the yellow
the woman makes a face like a sea urchin
and the boy is laughing, laughing
you take his hand and dive into the sea
“this is what I thought it would be like when I die,” the boy says
“inside of a deep dark well flowing around my chest
I can swim anywhere I want
no one will ever come to look for me”
you can say
“are you dead”
or
“am I dead”
or
“where are we”
the boy says he’s been thinking about death for a long time
he’s only visiting in the tunnels of the kundalini
that lead down into Tartarus
they have invited him to stay
light is streaming over his face through the water
a whale swims below you, with dark eyes
she is singing to her son
“I have a feeling I’ve seen you before,” the boys says
“were you the gardener?”
you shake your head
“the cook?”
no
“the pastor!”
no
“the gentleman at the candy shop”
yes, you were the gentleman at the candy shop
“I thought I remembered you”
you tell the boy you have to go
you can decide:
will you tell him you want him to come with you?
or will you say that you will come back for him?
if you say you will come back for him
he waves goodbye in the blue-black abyss
his white face hovering above the whale
and you surface above the water
and the woman takes your hand
and you commence to beating her with a belt
and the sound is like rain falling over collapsing stone staircases
and the sound she makes is like a car
moving slowly downhill
in a city that no longer has any inhabitants
if you say you want the boy to come with you
he says
“where do you live?”
tucson, you say
“the desert,” he says. “is there water there?”
“yes,” you say. “there’s a lot of water in tucson.”
“all right,” he says
you get into a car and drive into the mountain city
up above in the sky the giant who is a mountain has raised his middle finger into the sky
and you commence to reading to the boy
under the giant mountain with the raised middle finger
here is a picture of a brown-orange house
down below it are the tunnels
like roots extending below a tree
up above the heavenly bodies circle
like ministers round their king
“one day you will be king of all you survey” you tell the boy
the giant raises his hand into the sky
it is a blue ball
the sound is a woman knitting
where pebbles are falling into grass
the boy is asleep
the cat is watching the moon slip into the giant’s palm
the credits are rolling over the surface of the street
here the divine forces culminated in your victory over the forces of evil
your score will be recorded in our log books
and you can lay your eyes on the names of other heroes
who went before you
I have always been with you
Robin Wyatt Dunn was born in Wyoming in 1979. You can read more of his work at www.robindunn.com.
