“Nightlife Spots in Little Rock That No One Knows About” by Jeff Harvey

Little Rock is the coolest locale for anyone who believes in the magic of America and is willing to search out fun in unusual places. After an afternoon at the Clinton Library, check out these sites around the capital for some unique entertainment.

Donna Disco: This teen skating rink morphs into a dance club every Saturday evening. No cover charge on the second Saturday of the month to anyone wearing Lady Gaga drag. I swore off dating until my neighbor Jessica invited me here. She was a glorious dancer, but we didn’t connect in a romantic way. It may have been her perfume clashed with my cologne. We still hit up Donna’s occasionally as friends because one of the bartenders reminds me of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. Since watching Saturday morning wresting as a teen, I’ve had a thing for shaved heads and protruding nipples.

Ingram Family Drive-In: A 1950s drive-in serves as Little Rock’s sole lesbian hangout, but only on Wednesday’s. Arrive early to snare a choice spot and watch as the ladies serve drinks and other treats all while roller skating to the musical stylings of Patsy Cline and Little Richard. My friend Tina from London visited, and I took her here to soak up a little local culture. One of the roller-servers splattered her with a chocolate milkshake after crashing into my convertible as “Crazy” played over the speakers. I screamed. The server apologized; Tina laughed. After attending a square dance together that evening, Tina moved in with her. They now live in Louisiana and run an adult day-care center.

Scottie’s House: Every Friday night, Little Rock’s own Hot Scottie transforms Church of our Living Lord into Little Rock’s newest hipster hangout. Located behind the Adam and Eve Amusement Park, Scottie’s offers karaoke, speed dating, and wet speedo contests. Weddings performed on-site by Sister Rayleene with her husband accompanying on saxophone.

During a speed dating session I met Leo, who dazzled me with his 70s perm and Jordache jeans. He was married to April, but wanted more from life. With warm hands and a laugh like Fran Drescher’s, I knew we were destined to be together. His dream was to run a fast food enterprise. After several successful dinner dates testing out all the local competition, we met for Easter brunch at Wendy’s. The sausage-biscuits were delicious. I spiked our orange juice with vodka and we took an Uber to the lake and spent the day swimming and sunning. He texted me that evening: I can’t see you anymore. April and I are opening a Krispy Kreme. Wish me luck! I didn’t reply. And when, seven weeks later, a box of a dozen chocolate glazed arrived on my birthday, I tossed them in the trash. They were my favorite, but Leo had a fetish for hot wax and peppermint, and I didn’t want to start that up again. I enjoyed the wax, but applying hot peppermint afterwards was painful.

Anita’s: The 24-hour dining place (formerly a Bennigan’s) featuring Anita Martini, offers an evening of fun including 80s trivia and hourly drag performances along with serving classic cuisine. Recently, Bruce Willis was in town scouting movie locations and dined here with one of his daughters. She tweeted love for their three-egg scramble and spam.

I’d met Ramone online at “PlentyofFranks.com.” After weeks of picnics and bingo dates at the VFW, I brought him to Anita’s along with my mom, who loves live performances. Phyllis Stein’s rendition of “We Are Family” overwhelmed me, and I came out to my mom. She ordered a BLT then said she didn’t care to hear another word on the subject. Mom proceeded to get drunk on Pink Squirrels and hit on a farmer named Jessop, who reported her to Anita for following him into the men’s room. Mom later told police, “What’s the big deal? I only wanted to give it a squeeze.” Her court date is the 15th of next month. Ramone agreed to continue seeing me and said, “Wait ‘til you meet my dad.”

Costumes: The third Thursday of every month, Chuck’s Chicken Farm rents out their barn to the local chapter of Furries International. After being run out of the Crystal Room at the Downtown Eisenhower Motel for violating several local ordinances pertaining to American values, the Furries have found a semi-permanent home. The Arkansas Living Large Podcast ranks Costumes as one of the best places to dump out-of-town relatives.

On our first visit, I dressed as a polar bear and my new beau Ramone wore the Barney outfit I’d made him for Halloween. While doing the Furries mating-dance, I proposed and Ramone said yes. We were enjoying a Funky Monkey to celebrate when the Arkansas Bureau of Investigation arrived with thirty armed officers and an order to shut the place down. They arrested everyone. Ramone had no one to call for help. My mom bailed me out, and only me, but took off before I was released. I called Jessica. She rescued us and then we went for omelets and Bloody Mary’s at Anita’s. We’re getting married at Scottie’s by Sister Rayleene next Friday night. Jessica is giving me away.

Check our blog next week for our discussion on how to spend a healthy family-free weekend getaway in Memphis along with a run down on the local places that are “must-sees” including Priscilla’s favorite hideout when she wanted to get away from Elvis.

Jeff Harvey grew up near Memphis TN and now lives in San Diego CA. His work has appeared or is forthcoming in Moonpark Review, Literary Yard, Twin Pies Literary, Stone of Madness Press and elsewhere. Find him on Twitter @JeffHarveySD.

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