content warnings
emotional and gender trauma, miscarriage, violence
[293 words]
Doppelgangers
Isaac came home earlier today. But I think it’s just a deceitful doppelganger. He hasn’t spoken a word to me, not revealing where they sent him for his “special vacation”. His smile is stiff, losing the softness that he was once so proud of. His eyes are dull, staring at me in a silence that only I seem to mind. He even volunteers to lead the rosary, making Mama prouder.
Papa invites our relatives over for dinner, he is the proudest among us. I heard him say to Uncle: “The camp worked. Praise be to God.”
When the Fetus-eaters Came
Your Lola told me to take better care of your Mama as we neared the day of your arrival. She told me stories of the aswang– fetus-eaters. Some fly while some crawl on rooftops. Some can turn into cats, dogs, or old ladies. The most fearsome ones have long tongues, their terrifying proboscis.
Since then, I have stayed up a little later every night. I swore I’d protect you from the fetus-eaters, but what took you from us wasn’t just any aswang. It was something far stronger– fate.
Please forgive Papa for being powerless when the real fetus-eater came.
Attaboy
Papa doesn’t smile. He didn’t when I baked him a cake or when I aced a test. He turned red after I told him our neighbor taught me how to ride a bike.
Papa didn’t smile. Not until last week, when I couldn’t hold back anymore. He smiled when he saw my wounds, my fists. He said, “You finally acted like a real man. Attaboy!”
I’ve been a man since then. But today, I’m heart-broken. I was sure that he would smile if he saw me beat our neighbor’s dog bloody. I even slaughtered those pigs from school.
Angelo Bariga Allito is a Filipino essayist and poet from Libona, Bukidnon. He is currently a fourth-year BA English (Creative Writing) student at the University of the Philippines Mindanao and a member of the UP Literary Society. His works have appeared in Dagmay: Literary Journal of the Davao Writers Guild.
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